When someone learns something about you, anything at all, there’s a thing that happens. In only the most secure, evolved, mature people, information about you is taken in as information and celebrated or at least respected. It’s allowed to be about you for even the briefest of moments. In the rest of the human population, when any remote information is gathered about you, that is when the comparisons and judgments start. As a result, I invite everyone to get practiced in the delivery of a few polite versions of ‘shut the f@#& up.’
It’s well known that when you become a parent, especially a mother, it is in no uncertain terms ‘open season’ on you, your past, your present and your future, your choices, your ideas, your beliefs, your associations, your appearance and everything else. Motherhood is often an extraordinarily judgmental circle. In an almost perverse twist, trying to navigate the waters of motherhood in any remote ‘natural’ way, as in trying to parent (or just exist on this planet while simultaneously being a parent) with any semblance of attention to anything ‘natural’ or at least not wholeheartedly ascribing to the ‘better living through chemistry’ philosophy, somehow makes it sooooo much worse!
No longer relegated to the dirty hippies of the past, the ‘natural’ not-so-fringe demographic is now so fully mainstream that the social pressure to conform to being ‘natural enough’ is as intense and unrelenting as any other social trend. Do you use the most natural products, eat only whole organic locally sourced foods, have your kids go to a (expensive) Waldorf or Montessori or forest school and allow them to participate only in the most natural and healthful activities, wear only organic or at least natural fibers, all natural unmedicated and intervention free deliveries, breastfed until the kid voluntarily detached at like 9yo… and you get majorly dinged for owning a TV (let alone allowing any screen time), having any plastic in your house, admitting to not liking kombucha or never having done an organic coffee enema by the light of the full moon in the middle of a fairy circle.
Maybe you’re just doing your best, trying to live a healthy, conscious, grounded lifestyle, and hoped to be surrounded by people who encourage you to find your own path and accept you with open arms in camaraderie of everyone living authentically and just trying to do the best they can…
Nope.
All things ‘natural’ have become issues of status. Commodified and traded, peddled to whomever is eager to gain entry to the next echelon, ever out of reach.
People seem to assume that you look down on everyone who doesn’t make the same choices you do for your family, and even the slightest deviation from ‘the way’ gets you a whole pile of judgment and derision.
‘Natural’ is no longer just a choice, it’s a belief system, and each decision carries with it the moral weight of a socially charged religion combined with trial by jury of your peers. Who can ever live up to those expectations or that scrutiny!
It’s not just about how you live and how you parent, but if you’re doing it naturally enough. But, by whose metrics are we all being constantly judged? They’re always changing! The sources aren’t always accessible… and many are also trying to sell you something causing some serious conflicts of interest.
And, oh my, if you work in some aspect of the natural health field- you’re constantly being tested to see if you know what you’re talking about (read- the newest, latest blog, suggestion, or fringe recommendation), no matter your credentials.
The thing is, it doesn’t have to be like this!!! I beseech you! Stop testing. Stop judging. Stop comparing.
Everyone is dealing with tough stuff and doing the best they can.
Someone else’s choice is not an indictment of your choices.
If you learn something about someone else, let it be information about them. It’s not about you. It’s what works for them, for now. If you agree, great. If you don’t, that’s fine too.
You don’t get to pass judgment on someone, their parenting, their intelligence, anything based off of a simple observation you made of them, something you learn about them, or a choice they make.
Support. Lead by example if you really think you have something valuable to share. But- keep an open mind because no one knows everything (not even you), especially in a field that is constantly evolving. You don’t know the road they are on, the challenges they face, the obstacles they have. Make the choice to assume that they are doing the best they can, and be there for them. We’re all on a journey, our own journey, and no matter where you find yourself along the path, choose to support those around you on theirs. Life is hard and often lonely. We don’t need to make it harder for each other, especially other moms!